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The demands of modern day life mean that, whatever our personal stories, it can often feel like we’re not quite enough. There’s not enough of us to go round, we’re not Insta-worthy enough, not rich enough, not interesting enough, not fun enough. And when we don’t feel like we’re Enough, it’s easy to jam pack our homes and our lives with things that we think will take the edge off that not-enoughness.
From observing G’s depression, I’ve noticed that there’s an awful lot of not-enoughness going on for him and, on the really bad days, it’s as if it’s trying to drag the rest of us in too. Lately, it’s been our house that’s not right, but you can substitute any number of things (including me) for what has been not-enough over the years.
I bet you can relate
Whilst that feeling of not-enoughness is something that I see plaguing G particularly on his bad days, I don’t think that depression has a monopoly on that feeling. It’s something that, to one level or another, is ingrained in our culture.
During my 1980’s childhood, we called it “Keeping up with the Jones’ ” – this idea that we have to be seen to be living, being and behaving in a certain way to be accepted. That the outside world needs to see us with our shit altogether, our picket fence freshly white-washed, our children perfectly mannered and our minds perfectly manicured.
Keeping up with Jones’ was the 1980’s equivalent of the Insta-perfect world of 2019 – 100% about perception with reality dulled somewhere in the background.
It’s. Not. Real.
What’s real is what goes on behind closed doors.
What’s real is:
- we all wake up with bed hair
- a home to children gets messy
- families fall out and make up again…eventually
- happiness and sadness
- the good time and the bad times
- somedays, we’ve nailed it if all we’ve done is got up, fed our kids and prayed for bedtime to come quickly
- somedays run like clockwork, we’re on fire and feel invincible
What’s real is that we’re all flawed humans beings living a life full of ups and downs and life isn’t Insta-perfect.
What’s real is that I am enough and you are enough and we’re all enough just as we are.
What’s real is that there are plenty of people out there ready to judge you for your choices and for their perception of you. So don’t join them.
You have a choice
Every moment of every day, you have a choice. Give yourself permission to be and live your life as the perfectly imperfect human being that you are. Give yourself permission to stop judging yourself.
When you give yourself permission, you jump off the comparison train and begin to live in in a way that resonates with and works for YOU and it’s easier to find joy in your every day.
There is joy and magic in every day
Right now (Feb ’19), I’m seeing it in the freshly blossoming Spring flowers, the amazingly sunny days, the smiles on my children’s faces and the new connections that I am making. When you give yourself permission to strive for what makes you happy and not what you think you’re expected to find happiness in, then it becomes so much easier to see that magic.
There’s something you need to know:
Remind yourself of that every day – I start every day with meditation and I often use the mantra ‘I am enough’. What’s great about that is that it starts my day off in a positive and intentional way – win, win!
If meditation isn’t for you, work out what is – you could write it on your phone screen saver, say it silently to yourself whilst sitting in the queue at the traffic lights or run to the top of a hill and scream it into the wind – whatever works for you. But remind yourself at every opportunity that you are